Just Call Me The Tin Man…
It’s late January. The gym is still packed with people determined to keep their New Year’s Resolution of losing ten pounds. But how long before I can stop racing others to the last treadmill? A couple weeks? A month? Pretty soon the gym will start emptying out as people forget that they had ever promised to work out everyday.
At the start of every year people pledge to make extraordinary changes in their lives only to lose motivation soon after. I used to be one of them. After a couple years of failed attempts, I just gave up on resolutions altogether. But this year, I want it to be different. I not only want to start making resolutions again, I actually want to keep them. So what if I’m like 22 days late? I think now is as good a time as any to change my life.
I guess if I’m making this huge comeback to resolutions, they’ve got to be good. I mean, yes, I want to shed those few pounds, but more importantly, I want to turn my life around. I want to change who I am inside. I know that sounds bad, but to be honest, I haven’t been happy with who I am for a long time. Lately, I’ve been realizing just how selfish I really am. It’s hard for me to admit, but I don’t think I care about people as much as I should. I’ve knowingly done things that are hurtful to others for very selfish reasons. The worst part is, I don’t even feel that bad. I’ve hurt a lot of people and haven’t felt guilty for it. I feel like I have no heart, or as Omarion puts it, “There’s an icebox where my heart used to be.”
So my first resolution is this: find my heart. I know that it sounds dumb, but it’s important to me, so don’t make fun. I want to learn how to really care about people again and not to put myself above everything else. I have always known the difference between right and wrong, but it’s time I actually do the right thing. And I don’t want to do it just so I can put myself at ease and tell myself I’m a good person. I want to feel the desire to actually do it. I know that once I find my heart, it might be a little rusty, but I just pray that I’ll have it working again eventually.
10 Responses
You finally posted something! While I found this very good to read, you made a grave error: you have to be a tin woman, not a tin man unless there’s something you’ve been hiding =O.
…Thanks Bryan.
Let me get up in them guts shaawwty!
Awkward.
I wanted to make resolutions this year too, but I already forgot.
You make subtle jokes. I think you have a very intelligent sense of humor.
Aww this was beautiful!
Thanks =)
Since you are Christian, I would recommend that you download Joyce Meyer’s video podcasts “Enjoying Everday Life” with Joyce Mayer”on iTunes. They are free!
I’m an atheist, but I downloaded her podcasts anyway, (I just mentally erase the words “God” and “Jesus”). I like her talks, she is funny and down-to-earth.
Anyways, she says that being a good person doesn’t come naturally, she had to work at it. She said she used to be selfish and judgemental, but she had to make an concious effort to be a better person.
Ps. I don’t think your selfish. ds
Hope you don’t mind me reading your blog, I saw your note on facebook =)
Of course I don’t mind! =)
I haven’t gone on iTunes in a long time, but I will keep that in mind. Thanks!