Life Lessons

In a few days, my third month of summer break will officially begin. Sadly, all I have to show for these past couple of months is that I am finally two-thirds of the way finished with my summer reading goal. After reading partway through a few novels, I finally settled on one that didn’t bore me half to death.

Love & Other Recreational Sports by John Dearie is a fiction novel told from the perspective of a thirty-five-year-old single male living alone in Manhattan. This is one of the most entertaining books I’ve read in a while, and to my surprise, it wasn’t totally predictable. This novel is witty, realistic, and frankly, it’s my kind of book.

From the novel, I pulled out several theories that were either reassuring or eye-opening. A few of these theories were ideas I had already come to terms with; the others were new and refreshing. But all of them I agree with, one hundred percent.

Lesson #1: Men don’t want a woman who is easy. If you give it up to them, they’ll take it. But don’t expect him to want to marry you. The woman of their dreams does not jump into bed on the first date. However, men eventually want to know if the woman is sexually compatible. So the mystery is when to seal the deal. Unfortunately, every guy is different so there is no cookbook formula to figuring out when to do it. I guess that means if you are meant to be with somebody, then the right time to do it will happen to be whenever you are ready.

Lesson #2: Women are attracted to men who are strong and confident. They want that strong, burly man who can take charge and sweep them off their feet. Even the most radical feminists want to be romanced once in a while. Deep inside, all women want a man who’s not afraid to take risks, a man who can show his lady just how much he wants her – both emotionally and physically.

Lesson #3: You will never really be sure whether or not your marriage will last. There is no way to say for sure whether or not you and your spouse will stay committed to each other forever. Getting married is a risk. But when you’re ready to take that chance, that leap of faith, then you know you’re ready, because in spite of all the risk, you still want to go through with it.

Lesson #4: Love is not a simple thing, and trying to figure it out can be exhausting. But if it’s not dissected and scrutinized, if it’s given the chance to just be, love can be so beautiful. “When it comes to relationships, there’s never enough information. Never utter clarity. And our persistent searching for perfection is pointless and dispiriting. What makes commitment important… what gives it value and meaning, is that you’re signing on to something without complete information. You’re trusting in something beyond yourself, beyond your own understanding and control.”

I believe in all of this. I think men and women are infinitely complicated; what they say they want or think they want can be completely different from what they truly want. Love is a completely convoluted subject. It’s not something you can easily understand. It takes a lot of faith to really know love. I find it’s easier not to try and figure out the mechanics. I’ll just trust that in the end, I’ll end up with whoever I’m meant to be with. I know sometimes I can be a total cynic when it comes to relationships, but deep inside I’m just a hopeless romantic.