Brace Yourself Unbelievers, This One’s About God.

It seems like during each church retreat, I end up making bad impressions or pissing people off. Maybe it’s because I am cranky from lack of sleep. Maybe it’s because I am just a brat at heart. Or maybe it’s because during every retreat, I am shown just how badly I am living my life. My life isn’t centered around God; it’s centered around hanging out with friends, going shopping, getting a tan, and most of all boys - or rather, just the one guy (who, incidentally, is the cause of my sleeplessness, my crankiness, and my bratty behavior).

Our lives are filled with choices between good and evil. I know it seems overdramatic, but it’s true. Even decisions like whether or not to have one more drink, whether to be spiteful or forgiving, or even just which friend to hang out with, can be a decision between trusting God or not. Every day we make that decision.

There are three things we need to do to be closer to God: to read the Bible, to pray, and to have a true Christian lifestyle. To me, it’s not a problem to read the Bible or to pray every day. Those are things I can discipline myself to do. But to live my life according to God’s word – that’s what I struggle with the most.

I attend church service on Sundays, I try to go to Christian fellowships, and I want to be a good Christian, but something just doesn’t feel right. I want to seek God, but I have trouble putting Him before everything else. I get sucked into worldly pleasures. I put my love for my friends and my family in front of my love for God. I continue friendships with people who I know stand in the way of my relationship with Christ. I am embarrassed to pray in public, I don’t feel comfortable bringing up religion in a discussion, and I knowingly make bad decisions.

Outside of church, I barely have any friends who are religious, much less Christian, and my efforts to make more Christian friends are admittedly weak. I  think part of me is afraid to have friends who are truly walking in Christ because then I would actually be held accountable for my actions.

But I think it’s time I face that fear head-on. I need a lot of work. Are you willing to help me?